Kpopalypse roundup – new k-pop releases 11/11/2024

It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s take a look at some new releases!

One of the world’s deadliest snakes, an Eastern Brown Snake invasion closed down my school playground one day. That was a pretty awesome day to be at school, pity none of the people who were bullying me at the time got bitten. Little did I know back then that the snake was on the side of the bullies, but I’d find out all about it later…

IVE, David Guetta – Supernova Love

A blandly discofied version of Ryuichi Sakamoto’s “Merry Christmas Mr Lawrence” isn’t what I had on my IVE bingo card for this year.

VIVIZ – Shhh!

Lots of fuss about the dance for this one but I don’t know why, it’s nothing they haven’t already done in “Untie“. Sadly the song isn’t really worth making a fuss over either, being just a lightweight version of what Le Sserafim have been doing lately, even if I prefer the Viviz delivery system. Bring on next year’s Gfriend comeback.

XG – Howling

I don’t know who writes the raps for XG but they’re doing a great job, and the creative direction is on point too – even though the video is filled with disgusting AI stink it’s at least being guided by a hand that clearly knows what they’re doing, which makes it almost semi-watchable. And Cocona is still bald, so all is right with the universe. The weakest part of the package is definitely the melody writing, XG should just forget about all the pop song business and become a rap group.

Chuu – Pink Cloud

You know that a Chuu song is dull when Chuu herself checked out of being in the music video and palmed the job off to someone else because she’d rather spend the weekend at Yves’ house.

ENHYPEN – No Doubt

Nothing all that special happening here.

NCT DREAM – Flying Kiss

A weird song with boring meadering verses and a surprise chorus full of action with constant vocals and those big oppressive 1980s drum machine sounds turkey-slapping me in the face like my gay male readers’ NCT fantasies. I can’t help but feel after it was all over that I wasn’t quite ready for this stage of the relationship.

NCT DREAM – When I’m With You

It’s better than their other song though. Don’t call me, I’ll call you.

Sorn – Cool Waters

Musically the waters are a bit too cool here for me to want to dip my toe in, but this is apparently a rehearsal videos for Waterbomb so I appreciate Sorn’s determination to be prepared for this culturally important event.

Heize – Fallin’

After a few good songs here and there Heize is back to her usual on-brand boring ballad stuff, let’s just move on.

EPEX – Universe

Hey this isn’t bad. Okay it’s a bit millenial-whooping but it doesn’t get too cheesy with it, there’s some nice melody and the tone and tempo of the song remain consistent throughout, in 2024 this is enough to get over the line.

EVNNE – Keshiki

I hope Youha doesn’t fuck around this much behind the counter when she’s serving up iced mocchas or whatever.

ALL(H)OURS – ‘Bout That Issue

If the issue is boring slow-paced shouty boy-pop I feel like it isn’t adequately addressed here.

WHIB – Play

This is the super old-school first-generation sound where nobody knew anything other than choruses with I, IV and V in them. I’ll take it over most of today’s stuff.

8TURN – You Are My Reason

0:12 – “Baby Snakes“!

Burvey – Clap

I thought this might’ve been something cool for Nugu Alert but then I had to do a double-take when I saw that the video had more views than every video I’ve ever posted online put together. Sorry, what was that about people wanting mature adults to debut in k-pop again, I can’t hear you over the sound of Gangkiz flopping.

Kino – Everglow

Didn’t really light my fire, despite being rock.

Sungjin – Check Pattern

The “rock” band members are doing solos now, god help us. This just sounds like any slower Day6 song, and they would have used a band to record it, so why isn’t it just a Day6 song? Who the fuck knows.

Yesung – It’s Complicated

That girl at 0:22 looks like someone just told her to be in a k-pop video for some loser she’s never heard of and she did a massive eyeroll. We can all relate.

Doyoung – The Story

I felt staggeringly unmotivated to review this trash so here’s your weekly Asian but not Korean not pop not world music feature instead, yay! This week it’s Hanabie, and chances are you’re already aware of them, I’m mainly just posting this here as a reminder to myself to get down and see them as they’re playing in my city this week. Due to some personal reasons (that may get in the way, forcing me to waste a ticket) I’m holding off on whether I should see them or not until the very last minute but hopefully I get to go to this, I’ve heard that they’ve an excellent live band.

Jeon Hayeon – Love you, silly

SM might suck absolute balls at trot, but people you’ve never heard of are still good at it. The only thing wrong with this one is the over-present voice, dialling back the mids just a little would have really helped the listenability here.

Stella Jang – Earth is Flat

Reminds me a bit of IU’s “Bbibbi” in both sound and look, but Stella Jang has a slight advantage due to the video mrcs

Kim Boa – Weekend

Damn this poor girl is still living in her campervan after all those years of paying her dues being in Spica plus doing ghost vocals for your bias. I felt sad for her so I went to Soundcloud to see if she was there so I could support her, and you know what? She is. Guess how many followers she has? No, guess again, lower this time. No, still too high. Keep going. Oh my god I think I’m going to cry…

UV feat. Yoo Byungjae, Jonathan – You are so cool

I have no idea what’s going on here, it certainly feels like there’s a joke that I’m not in on. However it’s worth noting that whether they’re kidding or not, the beat here is still better than a lot of Korean rappers these days.

Homies – K.I.A

See what I mean? This shit sucks, and these guys aren’t even trying to be ironically shit or anything.

Simaron feat. Kim Seungmin – Crosswalk

A bit goddamn slow but other than that I didn’t mind this one.

ROAD TO KINGDOM: ACE OF ACE ORIGINAL SONGS

CRAVITY – Historia

According to my song submitter, “Ace of Ace is another tv show that belongs to the Queendom/Kingdom franchise but with b-list boy groups”. This sort of stuff is usually characterised by overlong “dramatic” intros followed by generic songs that take no chances, and Cravity certainly fits that formula here.

8TURN – Speed Run

At least 8turn get on with it, even if their song isn’t much and their set design reminds me of something…

ONEUS – I Know You Know

Okay, this one was worth watching just for the imaginative set design and use of props.

The CrewOne – Hit The Floor

More imaginative staging paired with songs nobody will remember in two weeks.

Younite – Faith

I tried to care but then I stumbled on this random Viviz stage and that was the end of that.

Myungho (8TURN), Bain (The CrewOne), Seoho (ONEUS), Woobin (CRAVITY), Eunho (YOUNITE) – Continue

Don’t we love a good collab, and this one isn’t bad actually. Notice how they’re all in the studio for this one, recording it separately, so they don’t trip each other up on purpose during the live stages or spit in each other’s faces. It’s a competition after all, supposedly.

RANDOM BONUS VIDEOS OF THE WEEK

ROSÉ Needs a Stress Ball While Eating Spicy Wings

Watch as Rose eats chicken wings cooked in progressively hotter and hotter spicy sauces. I bow to her chilli tolerance. Also doesn’t she look better than ever immediately after leaving Blackpink, it’s amazing what not being in YG prison can do for a person’s disposition.

Kaylawmochi – XG – HOWLING – Fancam – Korea Fansign Chaotic Ver

Someone in XG’s wardrobe department took a look at NewJeans and all the other groups influenced by their “let’s staple random plushies and other weird shit to ourselves” trend and decided that they were going to go all-out. The results are spectacular. If you’re going to lean into something, don’t half-ass it, go all the way, that’s what I think. Also I enjoyed the sheer amount of silliness in this video, these girls actually make it look fun even to my jaded ass.

f(x) – Chu

Nobody wants to admit it (understandable I guess), but early f(x) were generally just… kind of not that great. It took until “NU ABO” for them to really find their form, before that time they just sort of sounded like a dumping ground for confused SM offcuts. “Chu” is definitely a song from that early debut time when the group didn’t have anything all that remarkable in the tank, there’s no real indication here that they would eventually evolve into a group with some of the most musically forward-thinking cuts in all of k-pop.

That’s all for this week! Kpopalypse roundup returns next week!