7 hours ago
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It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s take a look at some new releases!
Well, it could be worse, he could be an MBTI believer…Aespa – Dirty Work
A mumbly, boring song with a reasonable beat that just establishes itself and then goes nowhere, like the songs Tricky would bury near the end of his albums in the 2000s. Surely picking up the pace and suddenly finding huge success in 2024 taught SM that slow jams just aren’t aespa’s strong suit.
KATSEYE – Gameboy
Possibly the ugliest outfits I’ve seen in a music video this year, and yes I’ve seen Gutalax’s “Vaginapocalypse“. Aside from their costume designer clearly being racist, and the video set just being sad (the glory days of k-pop box videos are long gone, aren’t they) the song itself is pretty flat and dull. Not what I would expect from an “international girl group” on the label that supposedly turned the “big three” into the “big four”.
Wonho – Better Than Me
Nothing all that special musically but really is anyone even here for the music, this I ask you to answer honestly. I can’t even remember what this sounds like and I’m listening to it right now.
Alex Warren & Rosé – On My Mind
Alex Warren’s millenial whoopisms are as bland as any made for TV bullshit out there, and Rose being along for the ride really doesn’t make anything all that different. YG must have been pretty unpleasant if this option seems prefereable. Just don’t let Alex talk to you about the lord.
H1-KEY – Summer Was You
H1-Key continue to be great and show other artists with much bigger labels and budgets how it’s done.
Fromis_9 – Like You Better
The underscore group get back together although maybe they’re just the hyphen group now as a few of them are missing. The song’s a bit missing too, it’s nothing awful but it’s hardly worth making a fuss over, they’re going to have to try harder than this to make me want to put a fresh line under their name.
Jessi – Newsflash
Not sure why Jadakiss is hanging around in the music video here, he had nothing to do with this musically or lyrically. Perhaps he’s just waiting for her to be done so they can go and get dinner together.
ENHYPEN – Outside
Leave this one outside and keep the door locked.
ALLDAY PROJECY – Wicked
No joke I fucking burst out laughing at 0:16. He’s going to do some damage alright, just not where he thinks. The song gets marginally better when female people start making mouth noises instead of male people, but overall there’s no rescuing this.
NouerA – n (number of cases)
If only the music took as many chances as the group and song titles.
X-UNIT – Because I am stupid
Some old some by some wifebeater and his friends gets a remake and just like Kim Hyun Joong’s relationships it’s not any better the second time around.
XLOV – Bizness
What’s with all this plodding nonsense trying to pass itself off as actual music lately.
dearAlice – Save Us
SM’s EXP Edition have their heartfelt ballad moment where they try to pull the heartstrings of their fans. It shouldn’t take them that long, there probably aren’t very many of those to pull, so they should be back off the ballads soon like junkies fresh out of rehab.
AHOF – The Little Star (Intro)
Some videos look like they were created by AI but this one looks like it was storyboarded by one. Someone threw a prompt into ChatGPT “show our new boy group becoming stars” and they just went with the result.
Re:Hearts – Reborn
If you’re wondering why the guitarist looks so miserable it’s because she bought a Gibson Les Paul. Pity anyone who purchases one of those overpriced pieces of shit, you can tell she’s busy thinking about if she can flip it on eBay quick enough to make a buck off some boomer before the shoulder pain kicks in.
CATCH THE YOUNG – Ideal Type
Now this is a Flying V, it’s a much better guitar but there ain’t no demand for it. Everyone wants a Les Paul because Slash had a Les Paul. What people don’t know about the Les Pauls is they have a serious tuning problem. When I see guitar shoppers I always try to steer ’em towards the Flying V – damn near same instrument, but half the tuning problem. But you know what people are like, you can’t tell ’em shit. Slash had a Les Paul, they want a Les Paul.
ONEUS – X
It’s been a while since we’ve had a decent boy group song, and this isn’t too bad actually. The boy groups in general have been so bland this year that the top 30 of the year shortlist is almost exclusively female at this point, come on men, lift your game… or don’t, I don’t care.
Can’t be Blue – First Sight
I reckon that I can be blue enough when listening to this boring shit.
POW – Being Tender
Well at least it mrcs
JAESSBEE – My Summer Manual
Did their summer manual really say to shoot their video in a parking garage for best results? I guess it was overcast that day.
Onew – Confidence
I guess he’s talking about the confidence to release shit music… or maybe the confidence to grope girls in the club, who knows.
Jang Wooyoung – Simple dance
Speaking of boy group solos nobody cares about, let’s not listen to this but have our weekly non-Korean LGBT feature here instead! This week it’s Brojob, a metalcore group who are all about male sexuality for manly men! I don’t need to say much more, the lyrics speak for themselves.
Chansung – Treasure
Back to boring k-pop boy solo land and yes we are bored over here.
Jinsol – Summer Booming
The girls aren’t doing much better. Ex-April Jinsol’s song isn’t as boring as the thumbnail makes it look but it’s still pretty uninteresting.
Loco ft Taichu, Young Coco – Matcha High
Dude did a song with Hyomin once and he’s been high as shit ever since.
UNXL – Copycat
I’ll leave you with this thing, which is alright actually.
RANDOM BONUS VIDEOS OF THE WEEK
Jim Beam Highball ad ft. Wonyoung and Park Jeongmin
Great marketing here, on all sorts of levels, plus hilarious. This sort of ad would resonate well in my country too but it’d probably also be banned for promoting an irresponsible attitude to alcohol or some crap because the Australian government is weird and loves to ban random things.
Bibi and Lee Youngji touching each other’s boobs
I’m sure some of you will find this relevant.
G-Dragon – A Boy
Just a reminder that G-Dragon did actually have something vaguely resembling songs back in the day before he reinvented himself as a floating bathtub toy.
That’s all for this week! Kpopalypse roundup returns next week!
English (US) · 