QRIMOLE – April 2025

It’s time for QRIMOLE, the series where readers ask Kpopalypse questions! Let’s take a look at the mailbag for the last month!

It’s been months since it happened but I’m still upset about the time I saw ARTMS live. The experience mostly fucking sucked because of one reason: KPOP FANS. I know Orbits have a reputation, but the truth is I’ve always had to deal with incredibly unpleasant and rude kpop fans at the few kpop concerts I’ve been and this has never been my experience in any other type of concert despite having seen many many other music groups ranging from tropical to improv jazz to black metal etc (the satanic black metal fans were actually the nicest lol). Thing is, I didn’t care about getting a good view in the other kpop shows because those were boyband lives, I wasn’t interested in seeing the idols upclose so I’d be in my spot while letting the insane stans be annoying and tear apart my eardrums with their screeching.

This time I did care about actually seeing ARTMS as they’re attractive women who lipsync to good music (ARTMS did sing live/over a loud backtrack in some songs tho). I had to take time off from work and travel from another city to the venue, so I couldn’t camp in front of the street all day long like everyone else did. As a consequence when I finally was able to get inside the second floor of the venue I couldn’t get close to the balcony and see anything because I’m also a 154 cm tall womanlet. I wore platform shoes but that shit was useless. I asked respectfully to a couple of gay guys if I could get a bit closer to the balcony to see the stage and they were extra nasty and rude so I backed off. I vented about their attitude in the national Orbit group chat and THEY got mad and upset and whined to the mods for 20 fucking minutes while the concert was about to begin. I tried to explain to them that I was a working adult who can’t take the entire day off to be the first in line but they acted like letting dwarfs like me watch the concert was equal to stealing their entire savings. No idea what happened afterwards because I left the group chat and turned off my phone to enjoy the concert lol.

At the end I managed to see the stage by CRAWLING ON ALL FOURS to get between two other dudes’ legs and sticking out my head outside the balcony railings to watch lmaoo and I guess I did get a good view all things considered but those two faggots really did sour my experience.

I’m a lesbian, I can call them whatever I want I dont give a shit FUUUCK THEM and if anyone here went to the ARTMS concert in a certain South American country, FUCK YOU TOO. You people SUCK (unless you’re also a fellow caonima, then you’re cool). Thank GOD ARTMS aren’t coming here again this time because none of their fans, or any kpop fan for that matter, deserves anything good in their life. It says a lot that the only seemingly “normal” and sane person I met (she was the one who let me crawl in the floor next to her spot) turned out to be a weirdly misogynistic k-drama fan who is probably furiously defending KSH’s pedo ass in facebook right now as I’m writing this (she hates the few female actresses I know for really retarded and sexist reasons too because of course she does) **

Moreover, those fags turned me off from ever wanting to go to any kpop concert again. I’d rather go to gigs where fans smell good and aren’t cucked capitalistic zombies. But I also like seeing female idols and admiring their otherwordly beauty irl. I know idols are just regular people but kpop female idols are honestly very very pretty, they’re prettier than in photos and videos. And it is nice to see them smile at the audience and act surprised that they have so many fans in random countries. What do I do oppar? also I know this question was 99% venting so you can recommend a lesbian themed JAV of month too if you wish.

**This woman did have a very good idea that I’m sharing with fellow Qrimole readers: people tend to bring their countries’ flags when going to kpop concerts, but if a South Korean kpop group is performing in your country, away from Asia, and you bring a South Korean flag, the idol group WILL notice it and WILL make sure to mention it while introducing themselves and point at it a lot while performing*. If you’re in a balcony, be sure to crawl in the floor and have your head stick out right next to the flag for extra parasocial points 🙂

I KNOW idols just point their fingers to the void while onstage because they can’t see shit, let me dream.

Ah, caonima life is hard sometimes. My commiserations.

In a large venue, you can often get quite close to the performers if you’re willing to go to the side of the stage rather than the front. It tends to be the safe haven for the less crazy people who just want to see the show.

Other advice about concert-going is here.

Lesbian JAV: BBAN-511 might appeal if you can look past the sportball. Or maybe that’ll even enhance the experience for you, I dunno.

The flag thing might still work – most k-pop concerts do have that one moment in them when the performers ask the lighting people to bring the house lights up – at those times, yes the audience is quite clearly visible from the stage (house lights are powerful), that’s the optimal time to get your South Korean flags waving.

WHERE’S THE APRIL FOOLS JOKE THIS YEAR!?

and

no april 1 post this year? 😦

I was originally going to release Seungri Simulator 2 on April 1 and have that be the April Fools content but I got it ready earlier so I thought I might as well just put it out given that it was ready. No great loss: I feel like the world of k-pop has been enough of a joke lately that I didn’t feel the need to do something special specifically for April 1st. Anyway I’m glad April Fools is now over and I can get back to believing absolutely everything that I read on k-pop websites and k-pop social media again.

This issue has been bothering me for a while. I was genuinely surprised when JYP launched NMIXX with a “girl crush” concept while ITZY, another “girl crush” group, is still very much active. I felt that this strategy went against the SNSD and f(x) market differentiation approach that you explained in your old article. It seemed like NMIXX was cannibalizing ITZY’s market share. Why was JYP willing to take this approach? Shouldn’t they have tried to rehash the Wonder Girls’ retro concept instead? As a company willing to take risks for expansion into the American market, they should be aware of the importance of market differentiation, shouldn’t they?

Yeah that struck me as a little odd, but it was probably done with a plan. I think “girl crush” (whatever that even means) is just the standard template for new girl groups these days. Perhaps it was musical differentiation that was the difference they were going for, the multi-part songs for NMIXX, which of course JYP dumped after a couple tries as it was proven unpopular, so then that’s the difference gone as well. Oh well – it’s not my money. Rich people’s problems are not my problems.

What’s your take on the whole New Jeans situation? I’m always here for groups going against their companies but people online seem to think those girls are evil and poor Hybe who has to deal with them :(( I think they’re all young and were very much taken advantage of by everyone around them and I want nothing more than for them to realize that, but I’m also mostly against Hybe as a company and I’m glad they’re going against them. I also don’t hate any other Hybe ggs, I support idols in general because the industry fucking sucks and it seems like I’m the only one not picking a side except being against corporations

and

What in the world is going on with NewJeans? It seems that public opinion, both domestically and internationally, has completely turned against them. It seems like Hybe’s PR has framed LESSERAFIM and ILLIT as victims of this whole affair (which they definitely are but seems like their own company threw them under the bus). How much of this is NewJeans being dumbasses and how much of it is Hybe’s PR agency working overtime? I’ve not been keeping up with K-pop for a long time and so this affair confuses me – I thought this started because of Min Hee Jin’s alleged corporate crimes? I was hoping you could share some insights given your knowledge because while I feel really bad for the two HYBE groups and can understand the arguments against NewJeans, I don’t know how much of it is the PR agency sticking their dirty fingers into my impressionable brain.

It’s a little of both. A lot of the arguments against NewJeans are actually correct, but they’re vastly overblown by the anti-NJZ hype train that TAG PR are gently steering and that k-pop fans and k-pop media are gleefully running with for clicks. Yes the girls are definitely making some very bad decisions, they’ve thrown their whole wagon in with Min Hee Jin which isn’t a great choice, but their only other option all this time has been to sit at ADOR and be shelved until contract expiry, which, let’s be real is exactly what we know would have happened to them whether they pulled all this legal shit or not. So they might as well fight it out because they’re going to get screwed either way and at least maybe they might get some semi-decent outcome (but they probably won’t). Or, they could go it alone I guess, and… well, good luck with that, independent artists just get fucked even more. It sucks to be them right now, that’s for sure.

It’s worth studying how public opinion was manipulated in the Amber/Depp case (which TAG PR notoriously steered) and the notion of the “perfect victim”:

…as well as the activity of paid Russian online trolls:

There’s some similarity in how these things operate and what we’re seeing with the NewJeans narrative.

Thoughts on aurora’s “a soul with no king”?

Not really into this. Sounds like a collision between Dead Can Dance and Mumford And Sons, nice idea but I don’t think it really works for me. It just feels droning and dull, like it’s going somewhere interesting and never arrives.

Don’t know if you have already seen it but they leaked the unreleased LOONA song “Freesm”, this song was supposed to be the lead single to their “O” album, that got scrapped because of the fan lead boycott, it’s basically complete and has no ai, only thing missing is the intro and Chuu.

I’m glad this never came out officially because it’s a bit underwhelming, nothing about it really stands out. I’d actually say Loona’s final actual feature “Flip That” was a better song than this because at least it sounded a bit unusual and catchy, “Freesm” doesn’t really have much of a hook to draw me in.

You mentioned that Doechii has been “kicking ass all over the charts lately and with good reason” – any particular songs in her discography you would recommend?

I’m not wildly familiar with her discography, have only heard a few songs so far, but I’ve liked what I’ve heard, she’s on my list to check out more. However the appeal of “Denial Is A River” is obvious to any true hip-hop fan, it’s taking rap back to the days when the beats were actual beats instead of weak shit, and rap songs had lyrics that were relatable and didn’t suck. That’s the song I was referring to in terms of popularity etc.

If she keeps up quality like this there’ll be no stopping her.

Have you ever had a sasaeng oppar? Either an “obsessive” fan that you didn’t like or maybe an anti that tried to stalk you or things of the sort? Like find information about you or try to know you personally. If so story time please

Not obsessive fans, but I have been stalked before by exes. I’ve had ex-girlfriends ring me fifty times a day after the relationship’s over, and do weird shit like make up false identities on social networking to try and find out stuff about me/catfish me/whatever. It’s not a pleasant experience and I empathise with anyone who goes through dealing with an obsessive ex who can’t accept when things are over, it is not pleasant. No stories because I’d rather not discuss it in detail and it’s not worthy of attention anyway.

hi oppar! do you like the go! team? feels like something that would be up your alley. asian glow has a cute, noiser, korean cover of huddle formation that i’ve been into recently and wanted to share. hope you’re doing well!

I don’t mind the song but I despise the production choices here, everything is super-compressed beyond all reason and it just feels like the wrong choice for this sort of music. It’s clearly a deliberate decision to make it sound like that but I definitely feel like it’s the wrong one. Some space in the mix, please!

Off the top of your head, worst book(s) you’ve ever read?

James Joyce’s “Finnegan’s Wake” and “Ulysses”. Although maybe “have read” is inaccurate as I couldn’t get through either book. Both total indulgent horseshit, suitable for fire kindling only. Also The Bible, obviously, but even worse is various other books written by Christians about music and culture that try to give a “biblical perspective”, oh boy. Your average Christian bookstore has so many laughably shit books in it, I highly recommend browsing one if you want a laugh and have time to kill, just don’t go in with a weak mind, fall into their trap and get converted (it happens, unfortunately). I’d love to read L. Ron Hubbard’s books too because they seem like they would be shit, and judging by how little sense the Battlefield Earth movie makes I think he’d have to be a terrible sci-fi writer. Maybe one day.

f(x) was one of the most experimental K-Pop groups in history and had one of the best discographies of any group. They were also clearly second fiddle to Girl’s Generation. How often does a label’s less popular group get all the creative outlet?
Also, how popular was f(x) at the time of its activity? I know f(x) is often well-regarded by long-term fans, but that’s a minor subset of the true K-Pop community. I know Sulli got a lot of hate for being a girlboss (an actual girlboss, not the bullshit manufactured image K-Pop fans eat up but the feminist truth-speaking badass they can’t handle for calling out their fave labels and the industry for its shadiness).

What happened with f(x) being a “second fiddle group that does weird things” basically never happens, but it happened to them because of, guess who, Min Hee Jin. She was given creative control over f(x) but was also on a leash to some extent (because k-pop execs are scared of too much change at once, also see Dreamcatcher), so what you got with f(x) was basically somewhere between her actual creative vision and what SM would allow her to do – so a “lite” version of what she would eventually do with NewJeans. I think the results worked better than NewJeans did to be honest, because SM for all their faults do at least know how to get a decent pop song over the line at least some of the time, that combined with MHJ’s quirkiness ended up being a good pairing… as long as you ignore… certain things discussed further down this post.

As a Jeongyeon bias, how do you feel about her styling?
I’m one as well and seeing her always being covered up and edited makes me so mad. I know all idols get edited but it just hurts my heart to see idk. They made her waist slimmer in her One Spark chorus and they recently posted a pic of her on the Japan Instagram page and they didn’t even bother to make it look natural. And it was so obvious in the Strategy era the way she was often the only one so covered up. Though, in her lil YouTube gig she kinda dresses the same so maybe that’s just the type of clothes she wears. If it really is her preference… I know this sucks to say but can the companies use their power and force her to dress like everyone else like I’M SORRY I JUST WANNA SEE HER IN CUTE GIRLY CLOTHES LIKE THE REST OF TWICE. #FreeJeongyeonsTorso

I feel much as you do. In the early days of Twice she got cute clothes but ever since she put on weight that immediately stopped. Since her dress sense is consistent on and off camera, I think it’s possibly not the stylist’s fault and that’s just how Jeongyeon wants to present herself, and that’s great for her, kinda sucks for her fans but oh well. I think she has internalised the body shame thing, sadly. Mind you that’s quite common, I’m generally a fan of plus size female body types and have dated several plus-size women, but I’m yet to meet one who liked their own midriff as much as I liked it.

Don’t you think the hate train le sserafim experienced this year is a bit similar to the t-ara’s one? Both were called “nation’s embarrassment” or something along the lines at some point, then of course evil editing galore by other groups’ fans etc etc. Everyone get bullied and shat on sadly, especially girl groups, but those two had it particularly hard.
I can’t help but think that both of them having a more mature and sexy image (and also for le sserafim a more mature age of the members themselves) isn’t just a coincidence.

Also, at that time you said that the reason why all that hate campaign escalated was because of Kim Kwang-soo not being in step with the times. He was already kind of an old CEO who didn’t understand how internet (and therefore the fandom phenomenon on the internet age) worked and behaved.
So now, what do you think is the cause this time with le sserafim?

Certainly there are some similarities. Definitely not completely the same, the main difference is that T-ara never bullied Hwayoung so that was a total fabrication, but Le Sserafim are not exactly great singers so that part wasn’t a lie. Mind you, switch T-ara’s backing tracks off and they’re probably not much better than Le Sserafim or most other Korean girl groups for that matter, and take a peek inside Le Sserafim’s dorms and it’s probably the same shit going down as in T-ara’s dorms or any other k-pop girl group’s dorms. So while the details are different, certainly the type of situation and the fan “gravity of stupidity” attached to it is the same.

KKS was not very media savvy, he thought an Internet-age scandal could wait three days before he addressed it and in those three days public opinion moved like a rocket. Silly man, he’s probably still using Norton on his computer to this day. But it got to the point where he was in a no-win situation – when he was silent people complained about his bad management and not addressing the situation, but when he DID address it and clarify things (which he did, multiple times, people forget this) people accused him of lying anyway. Le Sserafim’s situation isn’t quite the same but there’s a similar Catch 22 situation at play because what are management going to do about those shit Coachella performances, lie and say the girls are outstanding singers and cop shit for lying, or tell the truth and then just have the girls cop hate anyway for being bad at vocals? Of course people like me know the truth that the standards for k-pop vocals are super low and k-pop isn’t really a vocal spectacle anyway, so judging Le Sserafim by the standards of Beyonce or whatever isn’t really fair because they were never trained to be that, and that’s not their fault. That’s not an explanation that flies with k-pop fans though, who are raised on false expectations of “my bias is perfect”. In this way labels become a prisoner of their own bullshit. Unless labels want to come clean about how much their products are a studio creation (unlikely), there’s not much else they can do in this scenario except knuckle down and keep producing content and hope that something distracts the public or turns how they feel around…

I’m not sure what my question is/this is kind of meandering, so bear with me.

For you does porn play more of a role to bolster/get ideas for an existing relationship, does it satisfy something separate from the existing relationship, or do they feel not related at all?

I’ve never been a big porn person for typical reasons women don’t usually like it but had kind of a spat with it over my boyfriend lately. I felt insecure when he watched it because I assumed it was because he was turning to it because he felt I wasn’t sufficient. I think it’s a normal thing to watch porn and don’t try to stop people (including him) from watching it because it feels like a violation of their rights. Plus I used to read erotica in the past (another thing I have very little interest in now for whatever reason) so it doesn’t feel like I have that much of a leg to stand on, and I’m not a Puritan in my overall values. It doesn’t change my feelings of worrying about not being enough though, or going “I guess men just inherently need sexual variety of some sort [see: all the famous actors/politicians/etc with mistresses] and this is speedrunning the affair section to avoid that?”

He said porn was for separate reasons and he wasn’t interested in the actresses themselves, nor did it affect his interest in me at all. But at one point did admit that he would watch a particular genre because he didn’t feel like I’d be into doing it with him. So I felt kind of deceived in that he WAS getting something out of it because he felt I wasn’t enough, and I felt I had picked up on that before. However it seemed to be more “conceptual/situational” rather than based a lot on the actresses themselves. But the actresses matter too, don’t they, or else why would people seek out the same ones instead of fantasizing about the situations themselves?

Anyway, it’s something I’ve struggled with. I told him it’s not that I’m not interested, I was just worried about doing a bad job and felt some pressure because he seemed to find it so essential to his happiness. We tried it out because I had a sense I’d enjoy it if I just remained myself, and I did.
I saw it as a bit similar to the Caitlin/Hana compromise, though on a much smaller scale. Some openness is fine with so long as I’m informed on what’s going on and can potentially partake, and that potentially not being involved wouldn’t be because I’m not good enough.

Recently you linked JAVs of the month so I decided to check one out. I’ve checked them out before and wasn’t really interested, but one of the ones you liked had Ichika Matsumoto and another actress(?) who was trans(?). And… I really liked it. I liked the pacing, I liked that they showed their daily lives out and about between the sex, I liked that the dialogue didn’t feel weirdly stilted and performative and they said things like that they weren’t comfortable and adjusted. It felt very natural and I could get on board with it. This is the first time I can recall honestly liking something from this genre. Then when I checked out more from Nishino Megu I liked her work too.

It’s not just that I “like amateur videos” because most of the ones I’ve seen strike me as weird and fake as well. I think I prefer videos where it feels like they’re literally not performing “for you” at all, where you’re just getting a window into somebody’s life, like in a film. It needn’t be a super realistic film; I just get turned off when “WE ARE HAVING SEX. ARE YOU GETTING OFF YET??” is the main/only focus.

So that’s basically what I figured out. I feel conflicted now because my boyfriend is trying to quit watching porn because he thinks it’s kind of like junk food and involves compartmentalization of his desires, but I’ve just now found a genre/style that I could potentially get into and which I think could help me understand better.

First, get your boyfriend to watch this.

Now just various random perspectives on the rest, dunno if this is helpful but I hope so:

Porn is definitely NOT a place where I get ideas for my existing relationship. Trust me, I already have the ideas! But porn does sometimes help me determine what I might like and dislike, out of the ideas that I do have, or might have in the future. For instance by looking at various types of gay or trans porn and noticing my natural reaction, I can determine how receptive (or not) I might be to certain activities and therefore whether I really am a boring heterosexual or if there are some aspects to LGBT that I might find sexually appealing. Same applies to different types of things with hetero sex, I can determine what activities I’m more likely to enjoy and what simply doesn’t appeal.

Outside of that kind of use, porn really is just fantasy. I know actual sex isn’t really like that, and I’m not going to go an ask people in my real life to recreate porn scenes or anything, that would be… just stupid, actually. I mean honestly I’m just grateful to be having sex at all, because its a privilege that not everyone gets to partake in! Sure, it’s nice when my reality does get a little closer to the fantasy (if it’s a good fantasy), but I don’t expect that to happen and it’s not really the point of why I’m watching porn. It’s also nice when it goes the other way and the fantasy moves closer to the reality and the porn I’m watching starts to resemble things I’ve actually done, which is also not really the expectation, but I still like it when it happens. People who don’t watch porn on a regular basis generally are of the impression that porn is all this hyper-acrobatic ridiculous fantasy sex, and yes a lot of it is exactly this (certainly the most popularly shared stuff is, because that stuff makes the biggest impression and thus tends to invite more sharing) but there’s a lot of very down to earth sex in porn too. One of my favourite JAV genres is when the guy and girl are happily married and they have just normal “ordinary” sex but the wife is kind of bored and craving something more and then later she bangs the man’s brother or the vaccum repairman or whoever and they have much more “interesting” sex… but it’s always the opening scenes of “ordinary” sex that I like in those films the most, because it’s actually more relateable so it’s more interesting, at least to me. Whereas the other stuff tends to follow the usual porn rules where activities are selected and presented so they look good specifically on camera rather than something someone would actually want to do in real life.

Yes the actresses do matter, and that’s just because I’d prefer to look at someone who I find attractive (who wouldn’t?) I generally prefer films with only one actress, because if there’s more than one, one usually is more my type than the other one, so now instead of 100% of the film being something I’m into now it’s only 50%.

Some activities are fun to vicariously look at or imagine even though I wouldn’t necessarily want to do them with my partner or anyone else. As an introvert being invoved in a bukkake scene (in ANY capacity, hell, even just being in the same building) is my idea of a complete nightmare, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone else either, but gosh my favourite actresses sure look good doing those scenes. I hope they get paid a lot for that.

Ichika Matsumoto is short and petite and thus very far from my usual preferred female body type, but I like her in a lot of films partly for the reasons you’ve mentioned. She’s someone who actually seems to be genuinely enjoying what she’s doing (except in the films where she’s play-acting that she isn’t because it’s part of the “plot”) and quite a few of her films have similar vibes to the bisexual/trans one that I mentioned in a previous QRIMOLE (and also the latest survey) where she just seems to be having a good time. That, or she’s a really great actress, but I doubt it. Try MIAA-940 which doesn’t have a trans in it but the vibe I think is similar. There’s one great scene in that film where Ichika is blowing a guy and the camera zooms up in on her and she just gives the cameraperson the finger and keeps on blowing the other guy. If that isn’t the polar opposite of the usual “are you getting off yet wink nudge”-style pandering to the camera’s gaze then I don’t know what is.

ngl, is it just me, or do the kiiikiii girls look SUPER depressed in the “i do me” (is that what it’s called?) mv ?!??!?!?!? that was GENUINELY my main take away – they all look miserable

They don’t look as happy as Ichika Matsumoto when she’s giving blowjobs, that’s for sure. They’re probably not getting paid as much either.

r u and thebiaslist friends ??

Well we don’t go around to each other’s houses or go out and have malted milkshakes together, but I do like his site and a few times I’ve gotten stuck into his critics just for solidarity-having fun times. How people get so offended by his opinions I have no idea, they’ve clearly never seen MY site. Just goes to show that I should never pander to k-pop fans who claim they want a nice, polite site, because his site IS a nice, polite site and he cops shit from fans even harsher than me sometimes.

I easily reached the opinion that music taste is subjective because, like, it’s kind of obvious even without reading academic papers or whatever. BUT, I do have a question about music theory and music tastes.

A lot of classical music gains a good reputation because, damn it, it’s just really good – whereas a lot of classical music by famous composers fades into obscurity if it just wasn’t as good as the artist’s other musical output. And I guess music I’d consider bad in the pop sphere does end up being very popular, so not all well-known music is necessarily great. I’m guessing that catchiness is the key component in something becoming big or not more than anything else.

When I was 15 or 16 for my GCSES (shout out to any Brits reading this lol, to any non-brits, they’re national exams everyone takes before high school) I had to compose a musical piece. My piano teacher, who is also a university professor, would point out things I was doing and say, “no one with a well trained musical ear would do this, this is just bad” and not really give a reason. I followed her instructions, and I do think the changes made the piece sound better? I’d give clear examples of her corrections but this was almost a decade ago now.

If all music taste is ultimately subjective, how come certain songs or musical compositions end up being more popular and lauded as “good” compared to other stuff? And how do universities come to a consensus on what is “good”? I guess I’m a little confused.

We’re all products of our upbringing and we were all brought up being exposed to certain types of music, which has therefore biaseed us towards certain sounds, which we then enjoy, and repeat, and pass the bias on. People who have never had any exposure whatsoever to western music of any type (popular or classical or any other), when they first encounter classical music, they think it sounds horrifying. If the only music we ever listened to as children was Merzbow, then we’d probably grow up being a lot more receptive to Masonna than Mozart.

Some of your other questions are answered here:

So, Yiren of Everglow said that they’ve never been paid. This isn’t exactly new. Do you think it could ever change? What have your prior idol contacts said about their contracts and the pay structure? Is it all that exploitative? This is almost debt bondage, bonded labor slavery.

Basically

• You won’t make money, but we will (probably) cancel your debt once the contract expires or we remove you (if you play nice and don’t give us problems on the way out)
• No really – you won’t make money, if you start to look like you might make money, we’ll just spend more on promotions and add the cost of that onto your existing debt so you stay in the red
• Think of it as a “life experience” that not everyone gets, do it for the experience
• You should be grateful for being given this opportunity to be a star, isn’t this your dream, what are you complaining about
• Get back into the gym and stop asking so many questions

Further reading here and here. Old posts but they still apply today.

The Under 15 shit is a disturbing new low. Looking back, the debut ages of a lot of idols was already disgusting. f(x)’s Krystal was 12, almost 13. But, how do people justify 8 year old kids? I mean, yeah, it’s almost certainly pedo bait, but it’s so blatant that they can’t even pretend anymore. 12 year olds going through puberty can appear to age very quickly, which lets them pretend that it’s not pandering to that demographic, but this is way more obvious.

For those not in the loop this is referring to the idol competition show “Under 15” where…. yes, you guessed it. It was deemed so on-the-nose by the public within Korea and abroad that they’ve now cancelled the show completely, although the people behind it might try to sneak it through in a modified rebranded form later, because after all they’ve invested all that time and money into it so why wouldn’t they.

I mean on the face of it, there’s nothing wrong with young performers wanting to live the dream, and that’s how it’s justified. It’s the same way you justify an underage beauty pageant – “the girl just wants to be a star, don’t tread on her dreams”. The problem is that a show like this comes with a lot more baggage than just the activity itself. Whether people are being creepy pedos or not (and for the sake of discussion let’s assume that they all have good pure intentions) it’s a very high pressure environment to put young children in, and when you put the pressures of an idol on very young people it does tend to screw their brains up. It requires a certain amount of maturity to deal with the negative aspects of fame, which people as young as 8 probably are not going to have. It’s not just in Korea – most people who became famous when extremely young ended up with mental scars that they carried well into adulthood, plenty of examples in Hollywood and the western music world etc. And that’s before you factor in things like pedophilia or whatever.

Do you think ARMYs have calmed down since enlistment, or have they gotten even worse? I guess 2025’s the year to find out, but I’m hoping for a prediction.

There’s slightly less of them now but the ones that remain are still idiots. After all the’ve now invested several years of their life into this, all that sunk emotional cost, they’re not going to backtrack now. Don’t expect radical changes.

So it’s pretty well known among certain fans that Orange Caramel’s Magic Girl is a soundlike of ℃-ute’s Hare no Platinum Doori who was a subunit of the J-Pop institution Hello!Project. Rather than bore you with the ‘Kpopalypse Oppar is this plagiarism’ questions cause I don’t care but I want to know if there’s a musical reason why Magic Girl sounds extremely amazing and very kpop while Hare no Platinum Doori sounds like okay i guess and very jpop despite having a bunch of similar elements.

I was going to say “bullshit” and then I heard the chorus and… okay, not in fact bullshit at all. Damn, yes they are very similar at least there. Orange Caramel’s “Magic Girl” is superior in my opinion. Magic Girl gives a brief nod to the blues elements of the original with some of those piano lines, but the entire verse and pre-chorus are completely rewritten melodies matching the harmony diatonically rather than blues scales over relatively static chords. Magic Girl also syncopates all of the big chorus hits whereas Platinum Doori syncopates some but plays others oddly square, it just doesn’t feel as good. Listen at 1:13 where the hit comes in somewhere between an on-beat and an off-beat, it’s little details like this that really contribute to the song feeling weaker, uncertain, less punchy and precise. Those are the main things I notice, besidse obviously the texture difference of the Doori song being live sung and with a live backing band.

Recently, I was thinking about Jonghyun, Sulli, and Hara. I know the former two were great friends while the latter two were best friends. I know you have had many friends lost to suicide. Do you think losing friends like this makes one more susceptible to those dark thoughts? I lost a friend recently, not due to suicide, and I’ve been trying to deal with it in my own way. It’s been… hard emotionally, and I’ve had such thoughts.

Yeah it can be tough when someone who you know suicides, or otherwise dies or just isn’t around anymore. Sadly I’ve had this happen many times, not just suicides (although there have been several) but also accidental drug overdoses and death due to alcoholism – people who continue to party like 21 year old rockstars once they hit their 40s inevitably pay the price. A lot of my old friends who were around my age group now aren’t around anymore. Not much I can say except that yes it sucks but don’t lose hope. Just try to stick around for as long as you can so you don’t become that person that someone else misses because they left too soon. It may help to talk to family or friends who are still here about how you’re feeling, and don’t be shy about seeking pro medical advice if you feel like it’s getting overwhelming. Graveyards are full of people who thought that they could just stick things out a little bit longer without reaching out for help.

I found this rap song of XG with Maya and Cocona and I remember you sad their rap is good, do you think is because of their clear pronunciation? or something with their flow?

It’s never about pronunciation in rap music, hahaha – it’s always flow and lyrical quality. Generally lyrics don’t matter all that much in most styles, but they do in rap music where there’s an absence of melody so you need something to make up and fill the void. I can’t remember who writes for the XG girls but they do a great job, and while this track I don’t think is the best example of that (there’s better raps on the actual XG songs or some of the other mixtape stuff) XG at their worst is still better than every other idol rapper at their best.

Do you have any opinion on Ben Folds? I just ran across a quote of him saying his band was “punk rock for sissies” and I guess I wonder what an actual punk thinks about that

Never really got into his stuff. Wouldn’t call it punk, I think “punk rock for sissies” is a fun turn of phrase but not sure what he’s driving at exactly, although now that I think about it I guess I could see some of his songs reimagined as punk songs and they would probably work pretty well. He lives in my town these days apparently, but I’ve never met him, not that I would even recognise him walking down the street or whatever…

Did you see Dreamcatcher when they were in Australia? I just know you’d mentioned having tickets for Melbourne when the venue caught fire.

So Handong, Dami, and Gahyun haven’t renewed their contracts. I thought I’d be more upset about this “disbandment” than I actually am. But I’m pushing 50 and I guess I knew it was unrealistic for these women to be performing with each other well into their 30s or beyond. And it doesn’t escape my attention that the 3 less popular members, the ones who got paid dust in terms of lines, are the ones who left. As much as they appreciate InSomnia, Handong’s letter especially seemed to say “fuck this shit, I’m out.” I hope the 3 of them find, if not smashing success, financial stability and a chance to pursue their passions without everyone and their mother bitching because “they just don’t sound like they used to.” I look forward to Siyeon rocking out, and the music that will be coming from Jiboyoo.

But it’s brought an interesting question to my mind. Would you agree that a group’s harshest critics are the fans themselves? I’ve been happily content with Dreamcatcher’s output since I started following them, but it seems to me that in the eyes of InSomnia, Dreamcatcher could never get it Just Right. Either something was too poppy, or not enough rock, or “Hey I want Minx concept back” but when a cheerier song dropped, InSomnia were like “ew not like that.” And so in a way I’m kind of glad that they’re “breaking up.” Finally they can do things without (mostly) fans breathing down their necks to conform to some unachievable concept.

In a way, when a group disbands or does the slow disbandment, while fans are claiming mismanagement, we also need to realize that some of it is our fault, too. We can want more and better things from our groups, but demanding that they do this or that or complaining that you’re disappointed a song you don’t like got a group their first win, is what contributes to lower sales, which leads to groups not generating a profit, or just breaking even, and then they start thinking about what they can do outside of all of that, and how many people they can fuck if they’re not with a company, and then they disband. Because while fans are entitled to want their group to grow and improve, they take that entitlement to the extreme way too much. Fly high, Dreamcatcher. Leave the HyperSomnias in the dust.

I never saw Dreamcatcher. I turned up to the show – they didn’t! They apparently did some fanmeets to placate the fans who were upset, but I didn’t go to these as I wasn’t aware of them until after and my schedule didn’t allow it anyway, I was there for the music, not to meet them.

While I thought Dreamcatcher were a great group, they had massive potential that was never realised because after a great start they seemed to be constantly walking back the heaviness of their material. Dreamcatcher should have rightfully been as big as Babymetal, and the timing was perfect for them to occupy a position like that, with k-pop getting more popular worldwide to the point where even metalheads with no interest in it were at least becoming somewhat aware of it. However it kept not happening because they would never just go completely all-in on a heavy enough sound to attract the huge crossover metal audience that was waiting for them (and we know that audience existed because… well, Babymetal). “Good Night” should have been their least heavy song, an introduction to what they could potentially do in the future, not the heaviest song of their careers!

I think a lot of the fan complaining comes from feeling this same way. “We might as well have Minx back” was definitely a feeling, because in the end Dreamcatcher ended up being “a slightly darker Minx with more guitar” rather than a true k-pop/heavy metal crossover. That doesn’t mean people hated the group or anything, in fact quite the opposite – if they weren’t such a good group people wouldn’t have been so passionate about pointing out their faults and what was holding them back. This is something k-pop fans across the board struggle with – the idea that criticism doesn’t mean hatred, and criticism is healthy and should be supported, not shied away from. I’d argue that the opposite of what you say is true: if enough people complained instead of trying to shut down the complaints, and it became big enough so that people behind the scenes got wind of it and actually listened to the critiques and made the right moves to tap into the huge metal audience waiting for something just like Dreamcatcher to appear (but a bit heavier and without so many pop compromises like shiftful B-side ballads, slow sections, cringe raps, silly “insert genre here” stuff etc) Dreamcatcher’s story might have been different. Sadly it was not to be – by walking a half-hearted path they were doomed to failure, as a group with Dreamcatcher’s sound was never going to appeal broadly to mainstream k-pop fans anyway, so they should have said “fuck it”, gone all-in and cranked those guitars and drums straight through the fucking roof. Ah, what might have been…

How come this song of CSJH is not on the worst of dark age list? The song keeps looping an annoying section with gradually more and more vocalfagging, the music video even has a 2 minute pure vocalfagging intro

Really, if I was being totally honest, that list would have been all CSJH The Grace songs, but that would be a really boring list for people to read so I had to mix it up a little just to make it readable. Also that group weirdly do have some fans left and I don’t want to upset both of them more than necessary. “Boomerang” isn’t the worst CSJH song because for all its faults I think for maybe two seconds during the track there is a distorted guitar.

Could you recommend anything similar to Little Simz’s “Introvert”, “Woman”, and “Broken”? Went to listen to her after your recommendation and have been obsessed with these 3 in particular. Doesn’t even have to be rap really I just like how it ‘sounds’ – I don’t really pay too much attention to the lyricism (sacrilegious I know) though I do understand that it contributes to flow.

Hard to say as these songs don’t sound quite the same so I’m not sure exactly what it is about them you find appealing. However I was definitely reminded a bit of the vibe of UK trip-hop, so Massive Attack, Tricky, and especially Portishead, investigate those groups.

Do you like Spiritbox?

Not really. The guitar riffs are the weak point, it’s all that one-note stuff.

I need some advice oppar. I’m a 16yo 12th grader in HS so I’ll be graduating this year. 5 years ago, in 7th grade right before lockdown, I lost my older brother to cancer, he was my only sibling and only a year older. I was indoors in my tiny NYC apartment away from my friends, so I became pretty depressed and suicidal. In HS, I tried to make new friends, I reached out to some people but gave up rather quickly cuz I am very introverted and again I truly was extremely depressed. Especially because it looked like everyone already had their own friends and I was just too late.
In 11th grade, mid 2023, I moved to an irrelevant state because staying in NYC, where everything happened, was too much for my parents and they wanted a calmer life. But again, I felt like everyone already had their own friend groups. Admittedly I let some opportunities pass me by. I’d spent so many years being so introverted I naturally avoided talking to people as much as I could and actively put up walls. It’s times like this that I really see all the times people tried to reach out to me but eventually gave up.
Now it’s senior year, and my mentality is the best it’s been for the past 6 years. I have a LOT of free time since we don’t have a lot of classes senior year. And I feel it’s useless friends since we’d likely be separated from each other in college. I have some online friends but that doesn’t take away from the fact that I’m still very lonely. I’m aware I’ve spent my entire high school life making excuses and refusing to make friends. But I want to be kind to myself since I know I was going through a lot. No use regretting it right?
So I’m now an only child with a lot of free time. And though my mental health is pretty good, better than I ever thought it’d be, the loneliness is paralyzing me. I see videos of people hanging with their friends, or going to prom together or just taking walks together and wish I had something like that. I wish I could feel happy hearing about my online friends or friends from nyc hanging out with their friends but I just feel jealous. So how do I make friends? It looks like I’ll be the one that will need to reach out and actively try to be friends with people and honestly that seems so scary. Any advice?

Sorry about your bro, losing a brother that young has to be rough, even worse during COVID era with enforced isolation. Totally understandable why things have developed the way they have so far for you. As another mega-introvert I can tell you that the easiest way to make friends is through a hobby or interest. For me it was music – even though people didn’t talk to me much, wanting to do musical stuff sort of forced me to communicate with others, and them with me, especially as I started progressing and getting better at it I found people who normally wouldn’t give me the time of day suddenly very keen to get to know me. For selfish reasons of course, but it still led to other friendships down the track. Doesn’t have to be music of course, for you maybe it’s this or perhaps it’s something else. Even the most absolutely nerdy pursuits can bring you closer to people. You’ll find that University is actually fantastic for this because any university has lots of social clubs and whatever niche interest you have it’s quite likely that there’s a social club for it. Also people in college are just friendlier overall, it’s a slightly different attitude because everyone is (a little) more mature and keen to leave school culture behind. Just avoid “fraternities” like the plague (if you live in a country where that shit even happens, fortunately where I live fraternities are pretty much a non-event). But you can start sooner if you like. Just make it a hobby that gives at least some potential to meet people (so not something that’s completely 100% online).

uh hi kpopalypse, please don’t read this question as confrontational bc its really not meant that way. I was reading your 30 best songs of the kpop golden age list recently, and when reading the part on nu abo I noticed you referred to Sulli who was then underage in the nu abo mv as “hot”. I know that list was made in 2014, over 10 years ago but I would appreciate some clarification as I know you are anti minor sexualization and its confusing me. Is it a joke or commentary on sm’s marketing that escaped me or something??? (sorry if it is I’m autistic and terrible at figuring out jokes)

It’s not your autism, and it isn’t me joking either, but I’ll admit the comment is confusing. Since you’ve done the courtesy of asking a very uncomfortable question politely (instead of just going on social media and talking shit about me, which is what everyone else who encounters that review does), let me answer it sincerely.

I had no idea of Sulli’s age when I first saw Nu Abo, and it’s little wonder. Look at her in the pink dress, that’s unquestionably “adult” styling, 100%. That’s my point. Young people don’t wear shit like that unless they’re performing at one of those creepy kids’ beauty pageants (which bear a fair resemblance to how k-pop presents itself in some aspects). SM, and pretty much ALL other agencies, market people who are underage as if they’re overage, and dress them and apply makeup and styling as if they’re over age when they’re underage, and the have entire teams of staff who DO try to make them look as “hot” as possible (often giving the same styling and makeup to underage and overage members), because aside from the creepy old person factor there’s also boys who ARE Sulli’s age watching that video who SM are trying to tug the heartstrings of with a presentation like that. (We also saw this more recently with NewJeans’ “Hurt“, something I was highly critical of when it came out, as well as Choerry in “Love Choerry Motion“, which had another old review which people have either consistently misinterpreted or just tried to drag in bad faith.) I admit that this point of view wasn’t expressed very clearly by me in the Nu Abo review, and that’s on me: it’s one of the ways in which I feel like my earlier writing when I was younger was weaker than my current writing now that I’m more of an wise old fuck, and if I were to rewrite that review again today I’d word it differently and make that distinction clearer. But I’m not deleting it now, fuck it. The people who ignore all the decades of artist advocacy on this site and advocacy for the rights of underage people locked in k-pop trainee hellholes in order to focus on something like that, they’re going to hate me regardless of what I write, so fuck ’em, I don’t care what they think and it’s a waste of time pandering to them because they don’t actually care one fucking bit about protecting children, they just want to try to take me down a peg, that’s all it is. If k-pop fans really cared about artist welfare, Allkpop wouldn’t be the biggest k-pop site, it’d be the smallest, and people wouldn’t make weak excuses for visiting there like “I just use it for the forums, man”.

Oh and guess which creative director was behind Nu Abo… Min Hee Jin. Are you starting to see the dots connect? While I think my ability to express my point in writing was poorer when I first started and has improved over the years, my ideology hasn’t changed, I’m pro-artist now and always was.

I know you focus on kpop singles (understandable given the saturation of the industry, even a 15min EP can be a lot to ask when you have 6 groups releasing them in a week), but are there any kpop artists you’ll make an effort to listen to their albums? you’ve obviously done that with f(x) from your writing, so I’m wondering if you still have some artists whose albums you tune in for even in modern kpop?

No.

If I suddenly had free time/inclination/care factor to listen to anyone’s new albums, I’d probably start with IVE in the hope that the writing on the non-features was okay. I’d prepare to be disappointed.

If I were purchasing new albums I’d buy Viviz for the photobooks. People looking for my actual sexual interest in k-pop, there you go.

Hey cunt hyomin got married and not to me! Who should I fap to next? (since I’m Lebanese, preferably a woman)

I don’t know, up to you. There’s a few billion people you could choose from. Or maybe embrace the zen and fap to nobody, clear your mind of all thought. If you have trouble with that just ask some k-pop fans on Tiktok, they seem to have no trouble with not thinking about things.

The available business models in Korea seem to encourage the creation of more and more awards shows, which become more and more elaborate, with more and more circus-like performances. If making a new awards show is a profitable move for various organizations in Korea, why don’t we see new and elaborate awards shows as often in the “West”? Seems like all our US and European awards shows have been around for 30-100 years and are quite stodgy.

Well to be honest I don’t think it’s that much of a profitable move, I think a lot of these awards shows are failing to pay the bills. When there’s a lot of anything you can bet that only the stuff at the top makes money.

Hey mate

I think I’m an Australiaboo mate

Hitomi please

Well the final Hitomi film is PPPE-023 so check that out. Like almost every JAV star she got better as she aged. I guess practice makes perfect.

I’ve noticed that many older folks in the K-Pop community scorn the rise of songs without central melodies. If it’s so hated, why have such songs risen to be so prevalent and popular? Is this just “boomer” reactionary emotion?

Hardly, because boomers definitely isn’t the k-pop demographic. This trend has really started to die recently in k-pop so “prevalent and popular” really doesn’t apply the way it once did. But like with all movements in k-pop it hardly matters anyway. The fans are into it for the parasocial bullshit, not the music, so it barely makes a difference what the music sounds like. That’s why fans will tell you to support a song before they know what it even sounds like, because it doesn’t matter what it sounds like, because music is irrelevant to them.

I think you’d like “como paso” by Ela Taubert. It has a lot of characteristic you seem to like in kpop songs but idk anything about music theory so I could be wrong.

Yeah I don’t really. It’s okay but it doesn’t grab me that hard.

BEST QUESTION

imagine the afterlife is real and u are reborn in an alternate universe, but u can only pick one from these options (down below). which one would u pick:

a) everything is the same, but u r british
b) everything is the same, but the kpopalypse website has made u a MAJOR celeb and all the kpop companies actually reach out to u for interviews even tho u will diss them bc u r just that big (think taylor swift levels of fame)
c) everything is the same, but u r gay
d) everything is the same, but u r a girl

Unquestionably D. When I was a child I was actually kind of bummed out that I was male, because I didn’t like the stereotypical “boy stuff” that I kept having to do like being outdoors, sports things, and getting in fights a lot. I was quiet, shy and indoorsy and getting bullied daily for being “weird” (which I was) or “a fag” (which I wasn’t, but I probably looked like one – you don’t have to be gay to be gay-bashed, you just need other people to think you might be gay). The girls I saw at school didn’t have to play sport as much (or at least were judged less harshly when they sucked at it), got to be indoors more and didn’t get beaten up nearly as often (yes some were bullied but it was more just being outcasts, rarely any physical violence) so I was totally jealous of that and wanted to be a girl. I didn’t even know “trans” was a thing that existed back then, but if I did I might have asked my parents about it (but it wouldn’t have happened because we grew up poor and didn’t have the money for shit like elective gender surgery). However when I hit puberty hormones of course changed everything and then I didn’t want to be a girl anymore, I just wanted to be with girls. Of course all the bullying up until that point meant that I was completely lacking in all social skills so I failed hard at aquiring female company too and didn’t get anything like that happening until my twenties. But there you go, Kpopalypse was a trans wannabe. It’s probably why I like Infinity Nikki so much. Bet you didn’t expect that response.

That’s all for this episode of QRIMOLE! This series will return next month!

Oh, and do you have a question that you’d like to see answered in the next episode of QRIMOLE? If so, use the question box below, or if no box appears, click the Qri on the sidebar to open the box as a separate webpage! Kpopalypse will return!