Kpopalypse roundup – new k-pop releases 30/9/2024

It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s take a look at some new releases!

CIX went to Russia recently, and fortunately the boys got back safely. I think the people making a fuss over the danger of them visiting an “active war zone” are being a bit silly because Ukraine tends to avoid hitting civilian targets the way Russia is known to, a more serious threat might be Putin himself who has been known to feel a bit sexually threatened by boy groups with dyed hair and lipstick. I suggest these boys rent ground floor hotel rooms for their next few tours, just in case…

NCT WISH – Steady

I watched “Beetlejuice” for the first time the other day (late to the party, I know) and so it’s really weird to see this person wearing a sheet in this video. And yes that’s all I’ve got to say about this one.

WayV – Go Higher

I should stop including WayV in roundups. Not because of the “they’re Chinese but k-pop” thing or whatever, I don’t care about that, I just don’t want to have to keep trawling through their messy music.

HYO – Retro Romance

Screechy and irritating just like a lot of the music from the 90s that it’s copying. Not a single artist in the 1990s successfully adapted the P-funk style to pop music, and not a single artist in the 2020s can do it so far either.

Yena – Nemonemo

A lot of the “j-pop influenced k-pop” works well because it combines the harmonic complexity of j-pop while leaving behind the awful sonic choices and general inability to write a tune that doesn’t sound like something from a children’s TV show. Here’s a song where they did the opposite, kept the harmony simple as fuck and just stole the shit sonics and kiddie melodies instead. It works about as well as you might expect, which is to say, not at all.

Yuqi – Radio (Dum-Dum)

I missed this last week, probably because I fell asleep during it. Anyway about 23987 of you complained and insisted I put it in this week instead so here it is, now we can all fall asleep together.

Lee Hi – One Thing

She needs one thing alright – a producer who can get her out of the R&B doldrums.

Soojin – Drop Top

The girl who was kicked out of G-Idle for being too pretty is back and after the huge dramatic buildup this song unfortunately just sounds like most things at the moment.

XODIAC – Our Days

Boy group songs being fast, it’s a good thing. I won’t get sick of this trend.

Vanner – Automatic

Why are Vanner so nugu? I mean, this song isn’t exactly good, but it’s also not anything worse than the stuff people actually do like.

SUPER JUNIOR D&E – Go High

Super Junior D&E these days is kind of like GD&TOP without the rizz.

WHIB – Rush of Joy

WHenver you hear “chickicha” at the start of a song before the beat drops, just move on and save yourself the torture.

TWS – Keep On

When they’re filming traffic from moving cars you don’t even need to listen, it’s going to be shit fullstop.

A.C.E – Just Better

Long pants again, tsk tsk.

PROJECT 7 – Up to you

It’s another one of those mega competition things that everyone will complain about but be glued to anyway because beinga  corporate bitch is cool I guess. Hey I wonder what happened to projects 1 to 6.

Christopher & Lee Youngji – Trouble

Some nobody and Lee Youngji, gosh I wonder how much he paid her to be on this, surely she’ll carry the show… oh wait, she’s singing. Never mind.

AGNEZ MO & Jay Park – Party in Bali (PIB)

“Are they a thing”, come off it. Jay Park had more chemistry with the rando models in his sex videos than he does here with Agnez Mo. Speaking of which, isn’t it interesting how k-pop fans who are so anti-objectification (ahembullshitcough) never ever complained about the objectification of female models in Jay Park videos, hmm now why is that, I wonder…

New L – Focus

They didn’t really take a new L, this is in fact the same old L.

TRIGER – Hurricane

With new boy groups picking up the pace (finally), this song sounds very five years ago.

Eui Jin – Perfect Breathing

Perfect breathing maybe, perfect singing unlikely, perfect song definitely not.

Heize – Swallowing Tears

I’m not sure if this is THE Heize or just someone else called Heize but it’s…. actually not that bad, as far as shit ballads go it’s decent.

Kim Yeonja – My love is you

Sort of like After School Blue’s “Wonder Boy” on valium. Which means it’s actually okay, and mainly just suffers from not being After School.

Yaeji – booboo

As usual Yaeji is all vibes, no song.

Sujo – Sky Swing

Why is the one of the most rocking songs this week disguised as coffee-shop? I nearly skipped over this one and then BAM those guitar arpeggios came out.

Sara – Kaleidoscope

170k view for some grainy-ass video for a rock song from a girl I’ve never heard of. I support.

Ari – Embracing the Journey

We really are leaning into the female-fronted rock this week, this song’s sadly a bit weak though but at least there’s a guitar solo.

Kejimin – Tequila

I thought we were going to get reggae but instead we got… well, I’m not really sure, but this definitely is one video that’s really hurting from the vertical format. Everyone let’s stop doing this.

SWJA – Pray

As usual SWJA is just dull so instead let’s have our weekly Asian but not Korean not pop not world music feature! One of the best punk bands I’ve heard recently is Bananach from Indonesia, who sound like some sort of cross of the best elements of Sonic Youth, Bikini Kill and… well, I don’t know what else, but who fucking cares, they’re great. I’ve shared a live video here as they come across much better live than on their recordings, get into it.

The Volunteers – Psycho

You know, it’s not bad at all, but after hearing Bananach it sure feels like the diet version.

Pagaehun – Pre-exam

Definitely no more than a C-.

Crying Nut – White Star

Remember that controversy years ago when CNBlue were pretty much accused of plagiarising Crying Nut for almost their entire discography? Well I don’t have a horse in that race because I think both groups suck.

Dragon Pony – Pop Up

There do seem to be a lot of rock bands coming up though. I really think that rock might be starting to have a bit of a renaissance in Korea. I guess you can blame G-Idle for convincing record execs that it might be marketable.

Erøtic Wørms Exhibitiøn – Let me in

Possibly deserving of an award for that band name, the music sadly doesn’t live up to the promise.

Rosy Barbie – sssE

Rosy Barbie doesn’t have a real banger of a song yet but I think she’ll have one eventually. This kind of attitude almost guarantees it.

Gemini feat. Bren Joy – Cloud Nine

Not bad, cruisy and nice. Would be even better with a deeper voice instead of that falsetto bullcrap.

LETS HAVE SOME SHIT RAP COLLABS WHY NOT

Super Rookie Challenge feat. CLADI, X33D, R-SIH, Miracle Trio, Jaylim, JA!L, Kima Escobar
– My Zone

Just awful for the most part. Looked promising because there’s a female in this lineup and they almost always rap better than the guys but them she just does that warbly Autotune bullshit for fuckheads instead of actual rapping so never mind.

Super Rookie Challenge feat. NWV, OneAve, DNYDK, Shane, SAM – Who’s the next up?

A somewhat better beat but once again it loses the plot halfway through due to an attack of the unwelcome Autotune warbles. SAM at the very end nearly saves it despite it all, but it’s just not enough.

Collie Wave – I Know

So much of the rest of this week’s submissions was just shit like this so I deleted most of it, thank me anytime you’re welcome.

St Peach Bitches – I Have A Dick

I’d better review this because you’ve all been asking about it. Yes good lyrics but honestly it’s not enough to really grab me, it just sounds like a even more garagey White Stripes or something but without their minimal songwriting talent so they just play the same one riff over and over. It wears thin.

St Peach Bitches – Room Cleaning

Their other song makes their lineage more obvious, this is just a dull blues band with a lot of distortion. I appreciate the rawness of it, but it doesn’t come with good songwriting. I guess boomers might like it, but their plodding progressions did not make me want to sex with the universe.

Teo Yoo – Texas Summer

The music will make you want to kill yourself plus all your family and friends but hey there’s quality animal content in the video, you can at least rely on country music for that.

RANDOM BONUS VIDEOS OF THE WEEK

Chuu – Day Off In Melbourne/Honeybee behind the scenes

Chuu is fascinated by dirty, ugly Flinders Street on the southern edge of Melbourne’s CBD, a crappy photo booth that barely even works, as well as a fairly mundane-looking ranch in an undisclosed location, which just goes to show that Chuu hasn’t gotten out and about in her life as much as she’d like. You can practically see a tear forming when she starts talking at the end about how she’s been able to do more outdoor projects ever since she went solo. She fought Blockberry tooth and nail for a reason.

Youha – Last Dance behind the scenes

Watch Youha get involved in the creative process of her video, giving her feedback on storyboards that video concept creators have made from her ideas, and then putting them into practice. This is the kind of determination that it takes to get on the Kpopalypse favourites list AND the most fappable MV list in the same year. Deluded k-pop fans look at the results and call it exploitative, but that’s only because they’ve been conditioned to equate sex with shame, but there’s no shame when you’re in control and aware of what you’re signing onto. Youha is in control here all the way… just like Jay Park. How do I keep having these very accurate takes, gosh I wonder.

Jewelry – Super Star

Jewelry never had an absolute banger but “Super Star” has aged pretty well, especially with rock coming back into fashion a little lately. It’s the rhythm section that really makes it stand out, the double-bass work combined with the fretless bass is just a really weird combination and somehow it fits because without it the constantly harmonised vocals would dominate too much and swallow the mix. Recommended.

That’s all for this week! Kpopalypse roundup returns next week!